I miss you

I love you honestly I mean it with all my heart I really do love you you mean so much to me we always be laughing today just messaging and video calling made me so happy our little conversation about small things about how we got our scars and injures in the past or about our future it just makes me smile so much you are like my best friend and my boyfriend the closest person to my heart normal couples just be so loved up their conversations be like I love you blah blah blah but our conversations be crazy sometimes when we video call or are together face to face we be so crazy like two little kids when ever I think about you I just get this big fat smile on my face today the way you were winking at me made me blush so much made me smile like a little girl you are right distance does bring two people together we barely argued and we have become so much closer I cannot wait for you to come back ten days left I will be waiting for you even if I have to wait forever but seriously do not be gone for forever I miss you my love

I really want a friend

I really miss you I cannot stand being away from you it has been a week without you but I realised I need to become independent and stop depending on you. I realised I do not have a lot of friends but I am so shy to go out and make friends I do not know how to make friends I really want friends I can hang out with but I do not know where to find them it is so hard. I find it so hard to go outside alone I just find it so hard being independent I really need help and advise on how to be independent without you but I really want to make friends. 

I am scared to fall in love

I really love you I feel like I can be with you forever but every relationship has problems it is normal but when I think and feel like I can love you a lot I think about university  because you might find someone I do not want you to think I am horrible n judging you of your past but that was the person you were before we met I am just scared you will meet someone, like if a girl throws herself at you like kiss you, you will kiss her back because I do not meet your needs sometimes and you just might be with her and be with me n break my heart at the end of our degree I am not saying I think of you like that I am just scared because anything can happen it just hurts me so much thinking I can lose you when I really do not want to I have seen other people's love lives as i grew up they are not 100% nice well not nice at all I have had my heart broken so many times but I have never felt like this with anyone before like ever the amount of trust I have in you I never ever had that in anyone when I used to tell someone how I felt they would get mad at me rather than not making me feel like that they make me feel worse but I do not have to worry about that with you with you I do not have to be scared to have feelings this might sound silly and unbelievable because I have dated a lot of guys but I have never been allowed to have feelings I always used to get shouted at when i was upset or angry they used to make it worse n use it against me... For the first time a guy has never done that to me I am actually crying and typing this I got tears in my eyes look at how sad my love life has been every single guy I dated in the past all treated me like shit when all I wanted to do is love someone I feel like I have been treated like a dog all my life by guys so I honestly mean this thank you for treating me like a human I've never said this to anyone before but I am really scared to fall in love and I am in love with you like properly and I am so scared because it has been four months you have not messed up and so many guys mess up so bad at this point but you have not and I am so scared because it does not seem normal but I am really scared that you might just make me fall in love with you so much trust you so much more than I have with anyone and I bring you close to my heart and you just hurt me the smallest thing would destroy me I hope you do not get angry but I am scared to fall in love it is the scariest thing in life in my opinion. Please do not break my heart...

I only got lucky

I sometimes feel like you can do better than me, everyone says I just got lucky to find the right one. I know I am not good enough or the perfect girlfriend, but their right I only just got lucky that is all. Everyone wishes to be with you, you are like the dream guy every girl ever wants. I honestly do not deserve that dream seriously. I am grateful but I do not deserve it, I just got lucky. I will be waiting for three weeks we see how it goes when you are back and we will see if I am lucky or not. But seriously I do not deserve u at all, I only got lucky. I do not want to be with mr perfect because, I just got lucky. I want to be with mr perfect because. I deserve it. I am sorry but I might just get used to being alone. We will see until you come back, I really do love you you are perfect but I do not deserve u. I can barely eat, I feel sick my tummy, worried my bipolar goes bad. I hate it, I feel incomplete without you, I feel so lost. I am trying to smile, I am trying to act like everything is fine, with everyone, even my friend has messaged me asking if I am ok. I do not wanna tell you because I want you to have a great time on holiday with your family, all I want you to do is be happy, I love seeing you happy.

Love From Heart